No User Serviceable Parts Inside

Griph — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:51:27 +0000

The Association of Equipment Manufacturers has been ever so kind as to provide us with a database of abstractly horrible things happening to abstract people.

Pacific Novelty Shadow Puppet Theater Presents:

Worker's Comp. - A Retrospective and Revue

Warning: Flash origin story in progress.

Make sure crack pipe is properly oriented before use.

To prevent serious injury, Tetris should only be played with digital controls.

The goggles! They ... work quite well, actually.

Before using bidet, make sure to remove lid.

Warning: HADOKEN!

By law, all desegregated work sites must be designated as such.

Caution: Ridiculing the crucified may result in unexpected lightning strikes.

Unattended microphone stands left at 4 Freedoms Plaza will be violated.

Caution: Your boss is too stupid for cliched executive gifts. Get him the Hickory Farms sampler instead.

Caution: Ultimate Nullifier does not contain user serviceable parts.

Space between gears has rendered them useless. Feel free to reach in and get that wrench you dropped. C'mon. Don't be a pussy.

Caution: Superman ricochet zone.

Warning: Darkness screaming as much in pain as in relief.

Awesome: This gravity bong works great.

All craps tables come with accessibility features for the disabled.

Danger: Retreat to safe distance after Yar has fired the Swirl.

Soylent Veal harvest area.

Snakes respect Black Vulcan.

Where's the fucking money, Lebowski?

(This originally appeared as a guest post on November 5th, 2008, on the fantastic blog Pacific Novelties)

Come On, Let's Go. » injury